Monday, April 4, 2011

A Southern Woman's Guide to Sitting through a Tornado Warning.

Spring has come and with it, rain...storms...tornadoes!  You welcome the rain, for it will water your garden and flower beds, but you know the chance for tornadoes is strong.

As a Southern woman there is a certain amount of decorum that goes with everything you do.  You prepare to handle all of life's possibilities with grace and poise.

So here is a list to help you prepare for any future tornadoes.

  1. For a morning storm, make sure all your shopping is done the day before.  You don't want your neighbor to catch you looking like a drowned rat, instead of your salon best.
  2. For an afternoon storm, do all errands that morning, refer to reason #1...the drowned rat scenario.
  3. Once home, unload all groceries from the car and put them away.  You might get hungry and need a snack.
  4. As soon as you know the storm is on its way, start cleaning.  At the off chance a tornado rips your house apart, you can be assured that the insurance adjuster and emergency workers will see a clean mess.
  5. All laundry must be put away or stored in the dryer...which ever is faster.  It would not be good to find your undies in the neighbor's yard.  They have a greater chance of staying put if they are in your drawers.
  6. All toys must be put away!!  No one needs to know the true state of a home with children.
  7. All clean dishes must be put away and all dirty dishes rinsed and put in the dishwasher.  Heaven forbid your neighbor finds last night's leftovers on one of your plates in his yard!!
  8. Either freshen up or put on your makeup. You don't want to get caught on the local TV news without it.
  9. Five minutes before the storm hits, gather the kids for a bathroom break.  You can NOT let anyone out of the closet in the middle of a tornado warning to go pee!!!
  10. Make sure everyone has appropriate clothing on...clean underwear, no hole socks, etc.  You don't want to get caught by your neighbors and emergency workers in your sweats.
  11. Locate your cell phone and put it in your pocket.  Mom, Grandmother, Sister, Aunt, Sis-in-law, Mom-in-law, and best friend will all call or text to make sure you know about the tornado warning and are in the closet.
  12. Turn up the radio to its loudest level so you can track the storm.  Actually being able to hear the storm is not necessary.
  13. Finally, grab the library bag and put it in the closet with you and the kids.  You will have to have entertainment for the next fifteen minutes.
With this handy guide, your next tornado warning will go off without a hitch.  Doesn't it feel good to be prepared?? :)


  1. Can I request a northern women's guide to sitting through a tornado warning?
    What am I talking about... that would be everyday, its completely normal for the wind to be 30-50 miles an hour.

    P.S. I think about Hotrod and Princess everyday... I miss them. :( I miss all of you.

  2. Good Gracious!!! There is a reason I am southern!! :)
    We miss you too!!! June will be here soon.